What we live for

One of my friends lost a family member to suicide last week. He was 14. It seems to be all over the news now about children, so discouraged with the panorama of their lives, choosing death over life. What have we done to them? How cynical have we become, how verbal with our constant complaining, our jealousies and bitterness that all our children see in their future is a life that looks identical to ours? Is this what we live for? We have changed the gift of life into a chore, a grind, a burden borne. Do you see the tiny premature infant struggling for life in the NICU? Do you see the chemotherapy patient, allowing poison to run through his veins? Do you see the paraplegic straining to maneuver his wheelchair across a busy street? What are they living for? A chance to feel the sun, to have a kiss planted on a tiny cheek, another game of Trivial Pursuit with the family, another Christmas Day. When the fabric of life is falling apart, then we are frantic to hold on to it. When is it not, we allow it to become dirty and wrinkled, wasted, belittled. What we live for defines us, gives our lives meaning, longevity, legacy. The children of this world need to see that life is good, full of kisses and hugs, long walks in the sun, and time to play.

Getting Better

One of the ways we navigate our lives is to be on the look out for ways we can improve it. We might be devoted to motivational books. We might take classes in Tae Kwon Do or learn to play an instrument. We  might watch every DIY show on TV, eager to redo the kitchen or bath. We study, we practice, we ask questions, we make mistakes and we try again. Each day we can draw closer to the improvement we seek, raising the quality of our lives and, hopefully, having that spill over into the lives of those we love. The song we learn to play echos throughout the house, the new kitchen backsplash is appreciated by everyone in the household, our ability to break a board in two brings a sense of security if confronted with danger. Every day we put our energy into getting better. This is an interesting conundrum when faced with the prospect of dying in a few months. Is this, like everything else, something we can get better at? Can we be more open, less anxious, kinder, braver? Can we ask questions, can we cry, can we plan our ceremony? Each day, as we draw closer to the final day, can we raise the quality of our lives and, hopefully, have that peace and security spill over into the lives of those we love? Oh yes, oh yes, we can.

The Princess House

I received a fully furnished vintage dollhouse yesterday that I had purchased on Ebay over a week ago. When I purchased it, I had no idea that both my sisters would be here with me when it arrived. This is the first time that we can remember as adults that we have all been together, without our children, without having to plan or attend a family function, without business meetings or appointments. We spent the better part of an hour yesterday unpacking the miniature chairs and tables, tiny teapot and plates and even tinier play food. We decorated it together and have played with it, populating it with 3 Disney princess dolls that are the perfect size for the little chairs. The dolls play well together, soak their collective tiny feet in the tiny blue bathtub, make little dinners and, of course, sing. The magic of playing with dolls never loses it's power over little girls grown up, mini alter egos in a perfect world where life is fair and it's OK to eat in the living room. We are having fun, my sisters and I, between talking grown up talk about raising teenagers and dealing with singlehood and aging parents and cancer. It is a joy, a gift, this housewarming.  A legacy of love, built in little wooden tables and chairs, looking out of little windows...come on in.

New Old Friends

I had supper tonight with a new old friend, named Myra. We knew each other from a church we used to go to years ago. She was instrumental in helping my daughters become comfortable in front of an audience as they performed in many plays and music dramatizations. Now they spend most of their lives in jobs that keep them in the front of the room, teaching and encouraging others to do wonderful things. I meant to tell you that, Myra. I meant to tell you that I appreciate all the time you gave them, being their friend when I could not; being a faithful, God loving influence in their lives. Life gets so busy, and we say hi and talk about everything but what we really mean to say. I mean to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your life with me, and your smile and your gift of friendship. New old friends...how much potential is waiting for us in our big world? People you knew and for some reason stopped knowing, people you liked but let go. People that get lost in the world that would love for you to find them again. They could use a call and some friendly chatter, maybe some cheesecake. It isn't really hard to do... just start looking. New old friends are the best, you already know them and know they still love you.

When God speaks

I have believed in God my whole life. Even when I was a very little girl, I talked to him in my head all the time. Even when I was a cynical preteen, and hated the church we went to, hated the hypocrites that went there. Even when my parents got divorced when I was a senior in high school, and they became the ultimate hypocrites. Even when I studied the I Ching in college, tossing coins in sequence to create the symbols that predicted the future. Finally I met him, my spirit to his spirit, when I was 27. It was the end of wondering who he was, and where he was, and knowing he was who I had been talking to all those years. Since then, the conversation that has flowed between us has deepened and matured. I have read the book he wrote for us many times. I have talked to him with words of love and anger, fear, pain, frustration, joy. We have talked through financial problems, marriage problems, child rearing problems, false friendships, troubled churches, twisted theology and, especially, hypocrisy. He has taught me about forgiveness, peace, patience, grace, kindness, suffering, hope. I listen for him to speak to me all day, every day. He always does, in an endless variety of ways. I know his voice, it's the one full of love.

No Crying

I raised two girls, and between the three of us we have shed our share of tears. When the girls were younger, I made an observation that crying should be reserved for 2 situations...when someone died or when you hurt yourself really badly. NOT when your sister took your favorite toy or when you had to help with supper. Later, when we were all older, I landed on the idea that one should not cry about things that can be fixed with money. One can cry about the things that can't be fixed with money, but the solution to things that could be fixed with money was not crying, but finding the money to fix them. Now whenever one of us starts to cry about something, one of us says: Can it be fixed with money? And, hopefully, the answer is yes. Over the last few years, we have cried over the things that definitely cannot be fixed with money, but have stalwartly worked through the things that can. Unsold house, broken car,  lost jobs, sky high repair bills, new baby. We can turn our back on tears of frustration, and work toward solid solutions. Dry eyes see everything more clearly.

Pragmatism

I am the most pragmatic person I know.  I might have creative ideas, and silly moments, but ultimately everything I do comes back to being sensible and practical. This trait has been a good friend to me through the years. Being pragmatic doesn't mean always choosing the safe route, or the easy route, or the well traveled route. Sometimes the best way to accomplish something is to be courageous, curious, even contrarian. We walk this planet learning to solve problems as they come our way. Little children learn to navigate stairs and tricycles, speak in complete sentences, share. As we get older, those problems seem to become more complex, but mainly only in scope. We still need to learn to navigate our world in many modalities, speak so we are understood, share. Watch a baby learn to stand, see him thinking it out, practicing, finally letting go. Being sensible, we can use the same skills we have used from our earliest years to evaluate a problem, try out different solutions, determine which one will give us the answer we want, and implement that decision. Being practical, we can move forward with the least amount of emotion, and choose wisely for ourselves and encourage others as they learn to stand.