God's Plan

Today I went with a group from 4 Corners to clean and paint a Domestic Violence Shelter.  It is one of those things that you wouldn't know needed doing unless someone told you, in this case one of the staff attends our church. I am reading a book titled Mountains Beyond Mountains about a doctor, Paul Farmer, a Harvard Medical School graduate, who dedicates his life to medicine and social injustice and lived in Haiti most of the period that this book was being written, working with the rural poor. It is a very compelling story. The author asks, "How could a just God permit great misery?" Farmer gave him his translation of the Haitian proverb, "God gives but doesn't share', stating that "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us." As I scrubbed the dried food of many suppers off the kitchen chairs in the shelter, I thought of what it would mean to live in the plan of God, to share. What kind of sharing would it take to keep women and children from having to hide in a shelter? What do I need to share for those in misery to flourish, to fulfill God's plan for all of us? Ice cream for thought....

Good Haircut

I have the best hair stylist ever. Her name is Tracy Dwyer and she has her own spot at Salon Concepts in West Chester. I have known Tracy almost the entire time I have had cancer. She has kept my hair looking good no matter how much was falling out or, as she called it, "self-texturizing".  This last time I was ready to shave it all off, since it was falling into my coffee and all over my clothes, but Tracy just cut it shorter and fluffed it up with her magic potions and it looked just wonderful. Back in younger days, I used to cut my own hair, color my own hair, wear it in ponytails, braids, big clips or just hanging super long down my back. I used to say, aloud, that when I got older I would never wear my hair short, I would keep it long and thereby stay youthful. Funny how what we say we would never do we find ourselves doing down life's road. Maybe it is our own fears and insecurities that shout "I would never do that". It feels righteous and confident, but I think it is the opposite. I wear my hair short now. Partly because I think it looks good on me, but mostly because I am never sure what the next treatment plan will do to it.
 I am glad that now that I do what I said I would never do I have a good friend that does it very well.

The United States Health Care System

Funny title for ice cream, but this is, by far, one of the best ice cream flavors around. I had cataract surgery yesterday and it was the most simple procedure. Everything went smooth as silk and in less than 2 hours I was on my way home with a new right lens. For free. I have been in many developing countries where this is type of surgery is beyond a dream, it is a fantasy. Folks with eye filling cataracts line up to see the doctors and nurses at our rudimentary clinic,  hoping for restoration of even a tiny bit of sight.  Their ability to support themselves has ended, and they must beg or borrow their food for the day. But not me, I just strolled in and strolled out of a state of the art eye care facility, temperature controlled, modern comfy beds, perfect anesthesia so I did not feel a thing. It almost seems inhumane how other folks have no hope for something we have plenty of. I know that our system is costly and financially broken and the long term prognosis is bleak for continuing on our current path. But yesterday that didn't matter much to me. I got what I needed. I grieve for the people I remember in Honduras, Nicaragua, Sudan and elsewhere who, right this minute, cannot see, cannot hope to see. I am more than grateful.

Peace

There have been many interruptions in what I would call a peaceful life for us these past few years. Maybe that's the way it has always been, but I am more sensitive to it now. I tend to cast about for the cause, thinking, somewhat naively, that if the cause was dispensed with,  peace would be restored. I have come to realize that living a peaceful life is not due to a lack of disruptions, but by consciously directing one's inner life to a place of peace. Jesus spoke to his disciples this way: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   ( John 14:27) This peace he talked about is like food, something that we need each and every day to keep us from troubled and fearful hearts. It cannot become part of us unless we take it in, and once we take it in we can feel the power of it. We could spend many futile days depending on our circumstances to change, people to change, the economy to change, and never have the peace we crave. It is a gift that we can only receive from the hand of God, that quiets our hearts and gives us rest. Never mind who or what we deem is the problem, our answer is as close as a prayer.

Maintaining Equilibrium

I can't watch high wire acts. I know those acrobats are highly skilled and well practiced. Nevertheless, the risk remains that one slight change in the equilibrium maintained on a thin cable hundreds of feet in the air will cause the acrobat to fall quickly to what awaits him on the ground. It is hard to imagine having a calm spirit, facing the thin cable, setting aside the knowledge of risk, sensitive to every muscle movement, acutely aware of the placement of hands and feet needed to maintain balance. How wonderful it would be to have that same calm spirit translated into living a balanced life for those of us that face falling with both feet firmly on the ground. Real or imagined risks threaten to unbalance us every moment. Sometimes the harder we try to stay upright the faster we lean to frightening degrees. In yoga, one of the tricks to maintaining balance is to fix your eyes on an immovable object, like a spot on the wall or the ground. Concentrating on that helps you take your mind off the imbalance inherent in our untrained bodies, and, with time, a trained yogi can balance with eyes closed. So choose one immovable object that will not change, and fix your gaze on that. I choose Jesus. Cross the cable, stay upright.

Bruce (Almighty)

Our cat is named after one of my favorite movies. He is almost 4 years old. When we first moved into the condo, my husband was firm about no pets. We are not home enough, he said. I have always had a cat, so this was difficult for me but I complied and bought a huge green palm tree to take care of instead. Anyway, when I got sick, and was home all the time, he relented and Bruce arrived as a 3 month old bundle of orange and white furry fun. He is mainly an indoor cat, but in the summer I let him out for a few hours in the evening to chase frogs and snakes and mice. Last night, he acted very ill. He paced back and forth to the litter box, crouching for long minutes in the box, then in the sink, on the rug, and in the morning when I checked his box, it was as clean as it was before I went to bed. So I took him to a 24 hour vet this morning and was told he had a urinary obstruction and would die without medical intervention. This intervention, I was told, would cost at least $940 on up to way over $1,000. I stood there for a minute or two, pondering my choices...hating that I had to decide if he was worth it...then deciding I was worth it, because I love this cat. Get well soon, grasshopper, see you Sunday!

Golden Hours Part 2

Defining the value of golden hours has provided many hours of thoughtful conversation. I wish I had done this years ago, but perhaps the idea of golden hours is lost on youth. I was making a list of what comprised a golden hour event, and could only come up with maybe a dozen or so. In the ensuing conversations with friends and family, I decided the overarching definition of such an hour is that it must be restorative. To be restorative, it must be either enjoyable, rejuvenating, inspiring, meditative, or provide a feeling of accomplishment.  Of course, it could be all of these. So, then, certain things that were not originally on my list could be looked at in a different way to make the list. Like cleaning the bathroom. If I feel that the most restorative hour today would be one that provided a feeling of accomplishment, then I must choose something that can be completed within that hour. That could be cleaning the bathroom. I first must know what I need most, be it inspiration, joy etc. Then I must choose the purposeful activity that will provide that. My list is still fairly short, but I put neatness and clean-ness, and doing something nice for someone on it. Now it is infinite, and timeless, and wonderful.

Live like there is a tomorrow

There is a popular song out right now that says: " live like you're dying". I have been a nurse for a long time and I have taken care of lots of people while they were dying and I don't want to live like that. It is sad. Now I know that is not what the songwriter meant, but taken literally it seems to be a pretty morbid and introspective and maybe even selfish way to live. So I think that it would be better to live, not like there is no tomorrow, but that there is a tomorrow. A tomorrow that can be filled with joy and love and all the best that life has to offer. That would mean taking care of yourself today, eat right, be nice to the people and animals you share the planet with, pick up your trash...because you will be here tomorrow and you need to make sure it is all still healthy and good. You need to take care of the people God puts in your life so that they have the courage to live for tomorrow as well. We all have thoughts about saying goodbye, and how that would be, but better to just say "goodnight, it was a lovely day, see you tomorrow." I want to live prepared to enjoy each new day God purposes to give me, and at the end of it, make sure I have plans to enjoy tomorrow too, where ever I might be.

Scrapbooks

I am working on a scrapbook for my daughter Mary that spans the years between her birth and age 21. I finished one for Jane, my oldest, several years ago. It takes a lot of time to make these, and it is laborious both physically and emotionally. Nowadays, one can upload lots of pictures to a photo website and make a tidy little book in a few hours. But the photos I have are not digital, they are hard copies that don't exist in any other form. I have ticket stubs and hand drawn pictures, cards, first place ribbons and all kinds of the detritus that follows children through their school years. The biggest difficulty is throwing the extra photos away. I have no intention of making any more books. I decided a few years ago that one of the best gifts I can leave to my children is not leaving a mess for them to clean up. So I am culling and editing the memorabilia, saving what I think will matter, and tossing what I think won't.  It is at the same time fun to see her growing up so beautifully, yet somehow sad to remember all the the passing moments, gone so fast. At the end of the day, her book is almost finished...only 3 more years to go.  Once this book is complete, it will be a gift that can rest on her child's lap, full of love, and hope and promise.