Not abandoned

We heard a soul searching sermon yesterday at church. What part of our heart have we not given completely to God? I like to think that I am good with God, but realized yesterday that I have been harboring a fair amount of Job like anger and distrust of Him and His purpose and plan for me. Us. It has been hard to pray about our situation without sometimes feeling as full of as much spiritual poison as chemo poison. Last night, while pondering how I could apply the sermon to my life, I read 2 Corinthians 1:8-11. It goes like this: "I think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead. And he did deliver us from mortal danger. And we are confident that he will continue to deliver us." I realized I was not giving God my whole heart. Not for a long time. It had become hard and bitter in the places where I needed Him the most. He is speaking to me about trust and faith and love, and I am turning away. Yet, I am in mortal danger, and He is my only hope. I am not abandoned, or doomed. I am loved, I will be raised to life. Open up, o heart, and sing again.