Finding Yourself

Years of wandering in life's wilderness, in forests of feasts and famine, can disorient even the most stable soul. One day sunny, the next day cold and rain. One day bunnies, the next day wolves. As time passes, and what looks fair becomes foul, or foul fair, the soul wonders which way is the way out. All guides are ghouls, or maybe not, and what looks like progress ends back at the beginning. It is odd, finding yourself in such a place. A person is expected to set goals and make plans, forge ahead, stay the course, finish the race. In such a place, where up is down and bad is good, it is difficult to do. I have never been a goal setter or long range planner. I like to imagine and dream, playing by the water with sandcastles and shell people royalty and watch others wrestle with the ocean surf.  Today I am no longer playing to win. I just want to play. When I was a child, and life in my household became too overwhelming, I lost myself in play. Or found myself. I am there now, when life has become too confusing and challenging, and bad is good then bad again. I find myself longing to play, to find a spot where it is quiet and calm. I can set a little table with little cupcakes, and all is well. If you see me playing, know that I am safe at last.