1400

There is a calm in knowing that things are in motion. I went to my oncologist today, and we talked a little, and I had a blood test to see what my cancer antigen is now, and then I went back to work. He called me at 4:30 pm to tell me that my antigen is 1400, which is 20 times higher than it was in November. He gave me the chance to talk about it, but I was driving, so I said no, it's ok. I don't remember how we said goodbye. I drove the rest of the way home, feeling the calm that comes with staying in the light. I put the car in the garage, said hello to my handsome husband and picked up my knitting. We went out to eat with our kind and generous pastor and his wife. We talked about what might be happening, how to prepare for what is next, ways to leave a video legacy. We joked and laughed. My disease is speeding down the road, taking me with it, and I am laughing. Maybe the idea that we are speeding toward heaven makes me laugh. Or maybe the laugh hides some of the worries about going too fast. Whatever it is, there is still the confidence that I am not alone. We are surrounded by the warmth of God's love, His people. He knows what will be ahead, and He has already packed the car for the journey. I am still safe.