Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Erasers
Today I decided I needed more than a pencil with a new eraser. I need an eraser with just a little bit of lead in it. That is because my doctor wants to do some testing and reevaluation so all my chemo dates have been stopped until that is completed. I should be used to this by now, but for some reason it still bothers me that I cannot plan my life any further than next week. I am a planner. Maybe that is why I like knitting so much. You buy a pattern and yarn and follow the instructions and eventually you have the bag or sweater that you wanted. It is a methodical process, sometimes with unexpected surprises, but you are in charge in the end and can manipulate it into a finished product you can be proud of. My life is not like that. I am seeking a pattern where there is none; there are starts and stops and I have no idea what the finished product will look like. The only thing the same is the unexpected surprises. That is what is good about erasers. Like unknitting to get rid of a mistake, erasers take away the good and the bad on the calendar, but what is left is open days to refill with what really matters.
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erasers....I was thinking about your calendar situation tonight and it reminded me that my husband always writes in pencil in his calendar. That way when plans change, your calendar still looks good (he's a little ocd about certain things). Plus when plans change, I guess you aren't too disappointed because you wrote them in pencil, so that sort of says you are expecting them to change some. So then as a "planning" person, you are actually planning for change and are less bothered by it. I think it works.
ReplyDeleteI am a planner in a previous life. Used to live by the calendar. Since quiting my job, I write about 10 things on my calendar a month, if that. I fly by the seat of pants, make last minute plans, and have to think about the date quite frequently. It's liberating. At first I felt disconnected with the world, but after getting used to it, it feels like freedom. I think everyone should have a time in their life where they aren't controlled by their calendar. No erasers needed, not here. Infact, who even needs a pencil? I feel very blessed.
Melissa